What are some of the needs of Suicide Survivors?
Let us be who we've become -- people changed by tragedy. Just try to "be there" and support whatever form our grief takes. Trying to understand is okay, but just caring is enough. Realize that you can't pos-sibly relate to what we are ex-periencing. You don't have to.
Mourning a death by suicide is a lengthy, intense and confusing process. It is also unique; each of us experiences grief in our own way.
Because suicide is a sudden, unexpected and often violent loss, the grief it causes is excruciating, prolonged, and still often stigmatized. This may cause us to withdraw socially. We may even feel responsible for our loss. Those who witness the suicide or find the body may suffer post traumatic stress.
We don't "get over" a suicide. The effects may stabilize, but the loss is forever felt. Our personal values and beliefs are shattered and we are changed emotionally.
Every suicide survivor needs im-mediate support at the time of the loss. Individualized or family coun-seling, medical care, and parti-cipation in on-going support groups can be extremely helpful.
To read a heartbreaking first-hand account of the aftermath of a loved one's suicide, click HERE.
Suicide Survivors
"There are always two parties to a death; the person who dies and the survivors who are bereaved."
-Arnold Toynbee
A suicide survivor is an individual who has lost someone he/she cared for deeply to suicide. The victim may have been a parent, child, spouse, sibling, other relative, partner, or friend. It is estimated that every suicide leaves six to eight "survivors."
More YouTube Videos:
Dedicated to Suicide Survivor's
Katie Couric's Notebook: Teen Suicide
National Survivor's of Suicide Day
Lidia's Story: Suicide Loss Survivor
Clip from AFSP's National Survivors of Suicide Day Program (2009)
"One often calms one's grief by recounting it." ~ Pierre Corneille
It's okay to talk about "it" because that's all that's on our minds. Let any statements we make about respon-sibility, blame, or guilt just flow. It will sort itself out over time. Please mention our loved one, whether it was a child, spouse, sibling, parent or other loved one. Avoid setting any timetable for recovery as there isn't any.
Some suicide survivors find it uncomfortable to speak about the loss. With this in mind, it's wise simply to ask, "How are you feeling? Can we talk about it?" And then be willing to listen.
Taken in part from lifegard.tripod.com.
What is Grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. You may associate grief with the death of a loved one – and this type of loss does often cause the most intense grief. The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief. However, even subtle losses can lead to grief.
Source: www.helpguide.org
WHY DO WE EXPERIENCE GRIEF?
The reason we experience grief is because we love. Period. If we didn't have love and connections we wouldn't grieve. Think about people you don't really know that died. You may feel bad for their family and friends, but you don't know the person so it doesn't effect you. However, take someone close to you that dies? A person that you love and cherish and probably have spent many years with? The pain of grief can be crippling. Most of us who have felt grief agree that we'd rather have a limb cut off then to lose someone we love. At least we know physical pain eventually heals. Healing from grief has no guarantees...it could take 6 months, it could take years. We all grieve and heal in different time.
There is a physical reason for grief:
In relationships, (humans as well as animals) our body and our subconscious mind get 'used to' the sounds, touch, sight and smell of another person. This is done through chemicals present in our bodies. Such emotional memories are mediated through neuro-peptides. When we are in the presence of such a person, a particular cocktail of neuro-transmitters and hormones is produced. This forms a physiological identity of the other person in the body, and a bond is created. When the person dies, we no longer can experience that person alive and those neurotransmitters and hormones are not produced. Now, the 'physiological identity' of the dead person is mismatched because of the conditioning of the body to see the person alive. So the neuro-endocrine system goes into a turmoil. Depending on the degree of the bond, the body may go into shock. Memory fails, perception gets over-exaggerated, fear, anger, disbelief, denial, and sadness sets in, all part of the grieving process. Crying is an integral part of this process. One day the weeping and the grieving will end, at that point the body becomes emotionally and physiologically stable and calms down. Grieving is then over.
The body has no choice but to grieve no matter if you feel you should or shouldn't feel a certain way. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER OF GRIEVING OR NOT. What you do have a choice in is how you handle your grief.
Source: www.wedontdie.com
“I’m not doing this to hurt anyone, I just have to go. I’m sorry.”
– Letter from a suicide victim
~
"Grieving is a necessary passage and a difficult transition
to finally letting go of sorrow – it is not a permanent rest stop."
– Dodinsky
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